What am I doing?
“I will never subject myself to that again”, after 2005 StanChart marathon

“…..again…..”, after adidas Sundown marathon

I’ve just printed out another training marathon training programme.

Earlier in the day, a colleague walked over and mentioned that my company will be supporting any employee who wishes to run this years StanChart marathon. She asked if I was doing it and I replied, “I’ll decide in a bit… once I recollect how painful both previous attempts were and mentally re-run every single boring kilometer during those long training runs.”

A few hours later and I’ve downloaded and printed out a marathon training programme. I’ve penciled in the long run workouts in my training diary to see what they look like amongst the 70.3 and Lombok Tri races that I plan to do. I’ve worked out what pace those long runs are to be done at based on a new target time. I’m about to write down the target pace for the interval workouts and tempo runs once I’m done typing this.

Personally I don’t think I sound like a person who has vowed never to run a marathon again….twice. I must be confused. I remember my first StanChart marathon being the most physically excruciating thing I’ve ever done, voluntary or otherwise. I remember crossing the finish line at the adidas Sundown marathon and feeling like my life force had been sucked out of my body. I actually felt depressed after the race. Not because I didn’t hit my target time but because I was totally physically, mentally and emotionally drained. Yet, there is a training programme on my table staring back at me right now.

There is a decision-making part of my brain that I’m not aware, and obviously, not in control of.